Lately, I haven't felt like eating. You would think this would be a cause for celebration, but no, it's rather concerning. My interest in meals is a zero, so I randomly graze on garbage foods instead. Yikes. I actually know better and worse, even know better when I'm making the decision to do it! I open the refrigerator and view all my healthy planned breakfast foods and opt for 32 reduced fat Pringles for breakfast. Yes, I'm being absolutely seriously. Yesterday, I used them as a dinner. Obviously the Pringles need to leave my house STAT.
Sometimes I think I'm a really great eater. I eat a balanced breakfast, then a balanced light lunch,a healthy snack and a protein rich dinner. Go me. Then other days, it's a freaking half a cookie or chips! Bad, bad, bad. That certainly won't help me lose the last 30 lbs and it won't make me feel better at all about myself. I'm committed to making it better today. I will eat a balanced lunch and dinner. Meatloaf maybe?
This is the bad part of being formerly obese. Forever, the obese girl inside me will be screaming for me to give her a box of cookies, an entire bag of chips or a candy bar and I have to silence that horrible voice with a carrot. The healthy, thin outside me has to fight for how I look now. It has to fight to be able to continue to go to The Limited and Express and buy clothes that fit and not have to go back to Lane Bryant and pray that the largest size they have will even fit. That's how it used to be. I used to go to Lane Bryant and only Lane Bryant. When I got there, it would nearly make me sick looking around literally praying that the very biggest size they sold would be in stock and would even go on my body. It didn't always happen and there were plenty of days I left tearful that I couldn't even wear the biggest size. Now, I've been back in Lane Bryant and am amazed that I can't even wear the smallest size they sell anymore - hurray! Best. Feeling. EVER. And best feeling ever is going to have to win. I keep saying in my head "nothing tastes as good as thin feels". Now, if I could believe that we'd be all set.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
The Hysterosalpingogram (HSG)
Regular periods – that should be enough to ensure it’s possible to get pregnant right? Wrong. A brief moment of too much Google led me straight to the store for a fertility monitor. 4 days later the color changed on the stick and I nearly jumped for joy! Ovulation – that should be enough to ensure it’s possible to get pregnant! Wrong again. I really need to stay away from Google. As I only have one tube, I needed to make sure the other one was perfectly clear and able to function. Back to the OB-Gyn to hint around that I wanted an HSG.
Wanted is a funny word – I wanted the results of the HSG but not the HSG itself. Fortunately, my doctor was great and offered one up right away which I immediately scheduled. *Fingers crossed that my insurance company would cover it.* I had several friends who had gone through this procedure and questioned them at length about how it felt, what to expect and how much it would hurt. I got different answers. Rats. One friend said she felt absolutely nothing and another told me that even through 2 Percocet she was in incredible pain through the procedure. All of them said it was quick though, less than 10 minutes from start to finish.
At 8:30 a.m. I got in the car with my husband and popped a Lortab. I was scared that my pain would be the worst and I wouldn’t be able to handle it. We arrived at the hospital at 8:45 a.m. for my 9 a.m. appointment. Immediately upon arriving, I sat down and did my paperwork and got my hospital bracelet. Nothing interesting there. I waited until 9:15 and was called back by the tech into radiology. Once in the room, I went over paperwork with the tech and answered questions about my allergies – no shellfish issues and no previous dye reactions – so I was good to go. She explained the procedure to me and asked if I had any questions. Then it was back into the bathroom to change in to a lovely gown. I was able to keep my bra and top on, only removing the bottoms and wrapping the gown around my waist. I went back out and laid on the table on a towel and pillow. It wasn’t uncomfortable but it was a hard flat surface. The next part is revealing and contains graphic details about the procedure – keep reading if you’d like.
When the radiologist entered the room the procedure actually began. I slid down to the end of the table and spread my knees apart. At that point, the radiologist inserted the speculum to gain access to my cervix. He used an iodine solution to swab and clean the cervix before taking a tiny thin catheter tube and inserting it through my cervix. It wasn’t terribly uncomfortable but I had a little cramping at this point and some nausea. I was allowed to slide back up and relax on the table with my knees still open. He started to inject the dye and that was when the intense cramping began for me. It was worse than any period cramps I’ve ever had and if it would have been possible, I would have curled into a fetal position. It hurt. I couldn’t see the monitor but asked him to please tell me what he was seeing. “Left is missing and right is clear.” I almost fell off the table and could barely speak, “clear?!?!?”. He assured me that yes, it was clear. I swear I no longer felt the cramping or the discomfort, I was grinning like an idiot and could barely contain the tears that were threatening to spill. He removed the catheter and again swabbed the cervix with iodine, then removed the speculum.
One more picture was taken of the pelvis and I was allowed to sit up and go to the bathroom to clean up. The dye is sticky and the iodine is a pretty raunchy color. I knew this going in and brought along a pad to protect my clothes. After getting dressed, I signed the last form and was taken back to the waiting room. I only had mild cramping at this point and a little bit of nausea. My husband and I embraced in the hall when I told him the news! We were both so happy! I couldn’t stop grinning the entire drive home and feel incredible relief! It feels like I can breathe again and that there is hope. I might actually be able to get pregnant. So we’re trying. We’re tracking ovulation at this point and will consider Serophene or Clomid in a few months if it doesn’t happen.
Wish me luck!
Wanted is a funny word – I wanted the results of the HSG but not the HSG itself. Fortunately, my doctor was great and offered one up right away which I immediately scheduled. *Fingers crossed that my insurance company would cover it.* I had several friends who had gone through this procedure and questioned them at length about how it felt, what to expect and how much it would hurt. I got different answers. Rats. One friend said she felt absolutely nothing and another told me that even through 2 Percocet she was in incredible pain through the procedure. All of them said it was quick though, less than 10 minutes from start to finish.
At 8:30 a.m. I got in the car with my husband and popped a Lortab. I was scared that my pain would be the worst and I wouldn’t be able to handle it. We arrived at the hospital at 8:45 a.m. for my 9 a.m. appointment. Immediately upon arriving, I sat down and did my paperwork and got my hospital bracelet. Nothing interesting there. I waited until 9:15 and was called back by the tech into radiology. Once in the room, I went over paperwork with the tech and answered questions about my allergies – no shellfish issues and no previous dye reactions – so I was good to go. She explained the procedure to me and asked if I had any questions. Then it was back into the bathroom to change in to a lovely gown. I was able to keep my bra and top on, only removing the bottoms and wrapping the gown around my waist. I went back out and laid on the table on a towel and pillow. It wasn’t uncomfortable but it was a hard flat surface. The next part is revealing and contains graphic details about the procedure – keep reading if you’d like.
When the radiologist entered the room the procedure actually began. I slid down to the end of the table and spread my knees apart. At that point, the radiologist inserted the speculum to gain access to my cervix. He used an iodine solution to swab and clean the cervix before taking a tiny thin catheter tube and inserting it through my cervix. It wasn’t terribly uncomfortable but I had a little cramping at this point and some nausea. I was allowed to slide back up and relax on the table with my knees still open. He started to inject the dye and that was when the intense cramping began for me. It was worse than any period cramps I’ve ever had and if it would have been possible, I would have curled into a fetal position. It hurt. I couldn’t see the monitor but asked him to please tell me what he was seeing. “Left is missing and right is clear.” I almost fell off the table and could barely speak, “clear?!?!?”. He assured me that yes, it was clear. I swear I no longer felt the cramping or the discomfort, I was grinning like an idiot and could barely contain the tears that were threatening to spill. He removed the catheter and again swabbed the cervix with iodine, then removed the speculum.
One more picture was taken of the pelvis and I was allowed to sit up and go to the bathroom to clean up. The dye is sticky and the iodine is a pretty raunchy color. I knew this going in and brought along a pad to protect my clothes. After getting dressed, I signed the last form and was taken back to the waiting room. I only had mild cramping at this point and a little bit of nausea. My husband and I embraced in the hall when I told him the news! We were both so happy! I couldn’t stop grinning the entire drive home and feel incredible relief! It feels like I can breathe again and that there is hope. I might actually be able to get pregnant. So we’re trying. We’re tracking ovulation at this point and will consider Serophene or Clomid in a few months if it doesn’t happen.
Wish me luck!
Who Am I?
I love fresh sheets, ridiculously shallow television shows, semi-annual sale events and clothing lines devoted to dogs. I’m happily married to my incredible husband and up until this point our marriage has been a testament to the effectiveness of birth control.
Now, we’re ready to change that. The past two years have been a period of incredible transformation in our lives. We’ve said goodbye to old jobs, hello to new careers, struggled through academic pursuits, adjusted to our new financial status and spent many a crazy, wild moment trying to organize the chaos. I’ve also said goodbye to half my body weight – half. Yep, seriously, not a typo – I’ve lost half my body weight. It’s taken a lot of effort and I’m pretty well acquainted with the staff at my local gym now but I’m proud of where I am and ready to start the next chapter.
As someone who has been obese for the vast majority of my adult life, getting pregnant before really wasn’t an option. My period was all but MIA so there was no chance of that. After a surgery to address tubal torsion several years ago cost me my left tube, I became increasingly convinced that it just was never going to happen for me. My period didn’t return and I simply continued on. Fast forward to last August when my period came back! Convinced it was a one time occurrence, I secretly hoped that it wasn’t and was thrilled the following month when it returned again! Fortunately, I’ve been regular since then and am over the moon that apparently the weight was causing the absence of my periods.
We tossed birth control in the garbage in February and have been trying since then. The fertility monitor found ovulation and I felt like it was possible, but then I read about blocked tubes. So in July, I had an HSG to check and ensure that the right tube was functioning correctly. Terrified for weeks, I almost didn’t go to the appointment fearing that I would hear about a blockage and have to look at IVF. When the radiologist told me it was open, I couldn’t stop grinning like a fool, even through the intense cramping! Open!! And now, we’re ready to try and have a baby.
I don’t profess to do everything right or know what I’m doing all the time. I make mistakes and I’ll openly admit to my shortcomings but it’s a great way to learn about someone else’s journey. Welcome to my life.
Now, we’re ready to change that. The past two years have been a period of incredible transformation in our lives. We’ve said goodbye to old jobs, hello to new careers, struggled through academic pursuits, adjusted to our new financial status and spent many a crazy, wild moment trying to organize the chaos. I’ve also said goodbye to half my body weight – half. Yep, seriously, not a typo – I’ve lost half my body weight. It’s taken a lot of effort and I’m pretty well acquainted with the staff at my local gym now but I’m proud of where I am and ready to start the next chapter.
As someone who has been obese for the vast majority of my adult life, getting pregnant before really wasn’t an option. My period was all but MIA so there was no chance of that. After a surgery to address tubal torsion several years ago cost me my left tube, I became increasingly convinced that it just was never going to happen for me. My period didn’t return and I simply continued on. Fast forward to last August when my period came back! Convinced it was a one time occurrence, I secretly hoped that it wasn’t and was thrilled the following month when it returned again! Fortunately, I’ve been regular since then and am over the moon that apparently the weight was causing the absence of my periods.
We tossed birth control in the garbage in February and have been trying since then. The fertility monitor found ovulation and I felt like it was possible, but then I read about blocked tubes. So in July, I had an HSG to check and ensure that the right tube was functioning correctly. Terrified for weeks, I almost didn’t go to the appointment fearing that I would hear about a blockage and have to look at IVF. When the radiologist told me it was open, I couldn’t stop grinning like a fool, even through the intense cramping! Open!! And now, we’re ready to try and have a baby.
I don’t profess to do everything right or know what I’m doing all the time. I make mistakes and I’ll openly admit to my shortcomings but it’s a great way to learn about someone else’s journey. Welcome to my life.
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