Lately, I haven't felt like eating. You would think this would be a cause for celebration, but no, it's rather concerning. My interest in meals is a zero, so I randomly graze on garbage foods instead. Yikes. I actually know better and worse, even know better when I'm making the decision to do it! I open the refrigerator and view all my healthy planned breakfast foods and opt for 32 reduced fat Pringles for breakfast. Yes, I'm being absolutely seriously. Yesterday, I used them as a dinner. Obviously the Pringles need to leave my house STAT.
Sometimes I think I'm a really great eater. I eat a balanced breakfast, then a balanced light lunch,a healthy snack and a protein rich dinner. Go me. Then other days, it's a freaking half a cookie or chips! Bad, bad, bad. That certainly won't help me lose the last 30 lbs and it won't make me feel better at all about myself. I'm committed to making it better today. I will eat a balanced lunch and dinner. Meatloaf maybe?
This is the bad part of being formerly obese. Forever, the obese girl inside me will be screaming for me to give her a box of cookies, an entire bag of chips or a candy bar and I have to silence that horrible voice with a carrot. The healthy, thin outside me has to fight for how I look now. It has to fight to be able to continue to go to The Limited and Express and buy clothes that fit and not have to go back to Lane Bryant and pray that the largest size they have will even fit. That's how it used to be. I used to go to Lane Bryant and only Lane Bryant. When I got there, it would nearly make me sick looking around literally praying that the very biggest size they sold would be in stock and would even go on my body. It didn't always happen and there were plenty of days I left tearful that I couldn't even wear the biggest size. Now, I've been back in Lane Bryant and am amazed that I can't even wear the smallest size they sell anymore - hurray! Best. Feeling. EVER. And best feeling ever is going to have to win. I keep saying in my head "nothing tastes as good as thin feels". Now, if I could believe that we'd be all set.
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