That couple..

You see them sitting in a restaurant, smiling at each other across the table. The look on both their faces says they are in love and you can’t help but smile to yourself when you see the wedding rings and know it’s not new love. It’s the love that’s built from years, tears and triumphs. We’ve been that couple.

You see them on the phone. She smiles that special smile that reaches her eyes and the joy on her face is the purest of human emotion. You see her laugh and hear the genuine humor that cuts through other conversations. The whispered I love you and the wistful look as her phone goes back into her pocket or purse. We’ve been that couple.

You seem together, struggling but leaving on one another for strength. His shoulders pulled back, arm around her, supporting, encouraging and even depending. There may be tears, sad faces, sorrow or even difficult words, but the commitment to get through it together is clear. We’ve been that couple.

And we’ve all seen the conversation stop as they walk into a room. Where their friends dance around the conversation of children and people are reluctant to ask them about trying. Everyone knows they were trying and since no baby shower invitations have arrived, it’s clear they are struggling. So half say nothing and half offer platitudes about their 18th cousin 3 times removed got pregnant with 1/8 of an ovary after trying for umpteen years. We don’t want to be that couple.

It’s funny though, when people know you’re trying for a baby it becomes different. You aren’t the same people anymore. Some of my friends avoid me all together and refuse to talk about their kids or their pregnancies. Others keep bringing me books, ovulation charts and tests and filling my ear with stories about the successes and people they know who struggled. The thing is, I don’t want to hear about your friend who had 6 miscarriages before she had a healthy baby or your cousin who mortgaged her life for unsuccessful IVF to get pregnant 3 months later. That’s absolutely fabulous for them, but for me, it only adds more stress and makes me panic thinking crap, what if I’m like them! What if I’m destined for 6 miscarriages or bankrupting my savings on IVF to be left with nothing? I know they are trying to help but really, if you have friends who are trying to conceive, they are the same couples they were before. Don’t make them into the last couple. I know we don’t want to be…